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Oh my god, you guys. The other week, I asked for suggestions on what I should include in my Job Hopping for Word Nerds e-book. Heather of CraftLit provided me with a goldmine of great suggestions, some of which I deemed outside the scope of my book. Still, I thought they would make for some great blog post fodder. So today, I decided to address this one:

How can I use social media without being swallowed by it?

So I opened up my Freelancedom dashboard, typed in the title of this post, aaand… then proceeded to spend the next four hours on Twitter.

Oy.

So basically, this is a case of do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do:

1. Find your audience. And by audience, I’m referring to anyone from blog readers to clients to anyone else who might pay you money or somehow further your career…the people you’re looking to reach with your work or your blog (or both). And for every one of you — depending upon your niche — the place where your audience hangs out will be different. I use Twitter because you’re my audience, and you guys seem to spend an awful lot of time there. :) But you may find that your particular audience spends more time on LinkedIn, or Brazen Careerist, or Facebook, or a professional forum or listserv. Check out this monster list on some of the social networking sites out there.

2. Become active within that particular community. A lot of people make the mistake of signing up for every damn social network that comes along. Hussy. You don’t have to do that. You shouldn’t worry that the tide is passing you by. If you’ve done your research right, the only place you need to be is the place where your primary audience is already hanging out. So sign up for that one social network, or those two social networks, but don’t go too crazy beyond that. You want to be able to put together that best possible profile you can, and then participate as fully as you can. And you won’t have the time to do that if you’re maintaining accounts on 15 different sites. Once you have a dynamite profile in place, start participating. Concentrate on adding value and having meaningful conversations. The magic (whatever magic you’re looking for) will naturally happen.

3. Set goals. I’ve heard a lot of people poo-poo social networks because they “don’t see the point.” Well, there won’t be much of a point if you don’t know why you’re there. To attain focus and efficiency on your social network of choice, draw up a brief plan. That way, you won’t be wasting your time wandering the Internet aimlessly. For example, my goals with Twitter are to a) promote my brand and my work, b) find and share relevant content, and c) build up a network of fellow freelancers. My tweets (for the most part) reflect that.

4. Severely limit your time on these sites. I am obviously bad at this. At least when it comes to Twitter. But I have become way more efficient simply by keeping my Google Reader closed throughout the day, checking it once at lunch time and once more in the evening. I suggest scheduling out blocks of time in which you’re allowed to do the social media thing, and keeping those sites closed for the rest of the day. You know. In order to avoid temptation. If you have absolutely no discipline (::coughcough::), read this post again. It contains some additional tips, and also some suggestions for apps you can use to lock yourself out of specific websites. Pure genius.

5. Keep everything in one place. If you are juggling multiple sites, there are several apps that will enable you to juggle them a bit more gracefully. Because I have no interest in competing with what Mashable already does so well, I’ll point you to a couple of their posts about the best apps to use when it comes to aggregating all of your online profiles:

• 20 Ways to Aggregate Your Social Networking Profiles
• HOW TO: Manage Multiple Social Media Profiles

Finally, in parting, I’d like to beg you: Please don’t sign up for Foursquare! My husband just signed up for the damn thing, and my Twitter feed is now cluttered with tweets from him going back and forth in the Lincoln Tunnel. (Maybe I should just ask that you not sign up for Foursquare if your life is as uneventful as my husband’s.)

Related: Getting It All Done: Your Master To-Do List, Resource Roundup: 4 Time Management Applications, Going Unplugged: Impossible?

So apparently, just about everyone in my Twitter feed was at South by Southwest (SXSW) this past week, a conference (and seemingly non-stop party) that somehow brings together “music, independent films, and emerging technologies.” It’s that last that is of greatest interest to me and, as the web developers, bloggers, content producers, and new media entrepreneurs in my feed live-tweeted talks and workshops, party-hopped, and networked, I started to feel that I was totally missing out.

Aside from the occasional press pass-enabled visit to BEA (book nerd heaven), and the mental health professional conferences I attended as a marketing representative when I was still working in academic book publishing, I’ve never attended a conference. I never wanted to shell out the money: I don’t have much of it, I wasn’t sure the workshops would be worth it, and my social anxiety makes me totally suck at in-person networking.

But then one of my Twitter followers contacted me last week, saying that she was going to be in town and would love to meet up for drinks. I was nervous but ended up having a great time! (Wine may have been involved.) And, suddenly, I was hungry for more.

So should I be putting next year’s SXSW into my calendar? What about the 140 Characters Conference, BlogHer, the BlogWorld New Media Expo, The New Yorker Festival, or TED?

I’d love your input. Which conferences are on your must-attend list, and why? How have they been valuable to you? Or, on the flip side, after you ever put out the big bucks for a conference and ended up feeling it just wasn’t worth it?

Related: Networking Events: Conquer Your Fears By Thinking Like a Journalist, How To Market Yourself: Getting Out More, How To Keep From Becoming a Recluse (and Why)

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Back in January, Betsy Lerner — brilliant author of The Forest for the Trees – wrote up a quick post in which she remembered two of her early mentors. And then, a week ago, Holly Hoffman brought up the topic again. All this mentor-talk got me thinking back on my own favorites, and how important they’ve been to my career success.

I myself have never had one single, larger-than-life figure playing the part of mentor (talk about pressure). Rather, I’ve approached mentorship in much the same way career expert Marci Alboher does: as an ever-shifting collection of people I surround myself with…people I feel I can learn from, no matter what stage they’re at in their career. I highly recommend this approach.

Why do you need a mentor? Because you shouldn’t be working in a vacuum, stumbling along your career path without outside inspiration or guidance. Why do you need multiple mentors? Because it’s silly to rely on a single person, when an entire community can provide much better support, and a greater diversity of insight and advice.

So where can you find this army of advisers?

1. In the classroom.

It’s been 16 years since junior high, yet I still think of Mr. Meyers — my eighth grade history teacher — whenever I’m faced with the horrors of public speaking. He taught me the mantra “loud, clear, and slow.” Simplistic enough, but key in keeping me calm. And then there’s Burton Klein, an adjunct professor at TCNJ who, 11 years ago, happened to be the first to teach me about cover letters. Now, well, they’re sort of my thing. It’s been years since I’ve been in contact with either of these people, yet they still loom large in my mind. And then there’s Sue Shapiro, well-known in NYC media circles for her generosity and no-nonsense teaching methods. I took post-college classes with her at both the New School and through Mediabistro, and consider her to be one of my freelance writing gurus. Though I only e-mail her every once in a blue moon, it’s nice to know she’s there if I need her.

Still working toward a degree, or even just taking non-credit, post-college classes in order to hone your skills? Keep your eyes open for mentor options. If you find that you click with one of your profs, the relationship could be well worth cultivating beyond the end of the semester. Just remember that you’re not the only one vying for his or her attention.

2. At your internship.

Sure, you’re there to beef up your resume and gain some much-needed experience. But don’t miss out on the opportunity to also ask your internship adviser some hard-hitting questions about the industry. After proving yourself to be the super-intern, ask your adviser if they have time to chat, or offer to take them to lunch in exchange for the chance to pick their brain. If you prove your mettle at the very bottom of the ladder, they may be willing to help you move up a few rungs once your internship has come to an end.

3. Via informational interviews.

When exploring possible career paths, it can help to target those already in the industry for informational interviews. Draw up a list of your dream companies, and then utilize the company’s website, or perhaps even LinkedIn, to find people who might be willing to talk to you. If you land an interview, use your time together to gather information about their personal experiences within the industry, rather than acting on the assumption that they can — or want to — give you a job. If they’re impressed enough by your initiative, they might be willing and able to help you out in the future. But remember: You career success is not their responsibility.

4. On the job.

So you’re on staff somewhere. I’m going to assume you don’t plan on being there forever. Just as I suggested with internships, try to pick your superior’s brain. The best bosses will feel invested in helping you grow as a professional.

5. Among your peers.

You have just as much to learn from your freelance colleagues as you do from the editors and clients giving you work. Case in point: In running this blog, and in being active on Twitter, I’ve connected with so many fabulous freelancers. And in so doing, I have learned so much. Because, obviously, despite all the preparation, I didn’t jump into full-time freelancing knowing everything there is to know about it. Some things you can only learn by doing. And other things you can only learn from those who have already been toiling away in the trenches. Thank god for all the freelancers out there who were willing to share their experiences, tips, and contacts with me. The very first freelancer I met through Freelancedom was The Urban Muse’s Susan Johnston. I continue to be a bit in awe of her success as a freelancer, and most definitely consider her not only a colleague but a mentor.

6. On your bookshelf.

It was The Anti 9-to-5 Guide that led me to pursue full-time freelancing and, when author Michelle Goodman followed it up with My So-Called Freelance Life, I decided she was the She-Ra of Freelancing. Had I never come into contact with Goodman, I still would have considered her a mentor. Her books are dog-eared beyond belief and, in tandem, operate as my Official Freelance Bible. Still, it seems that not all author-heroes are out of reach, and I eventually connected with Goodman through an online writers’ group. I still feel all ridiculously fan-girl when I see a personal e-mail from her in my inbox. Like: Really? We’re peers now? It’s like receiving correspondence from Barbara Kingsolver (as if). So don’t discredit the possibility that the person behind your favorite how-to might be responsive to your questions. And even if they are out of reach, their books still have much wisdom to impart.

So who’s part of your mentor posse, and how did you first connect?

Related: My 5 Favorite Things In: Test-Drive Your Dream Job

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Work has been pretty damn good lately (aside from the occasional seasonal slump). And — conceited as it may sound — I credit myself for a lot of that. After all, I’m the one who got me here. When I was unhappy at my 9-to-5, and daydreaming about freelancedom, I figured out the steps I’d need to take in order to make it work, and then took them. I self-educated myself with a shit-ton of how-to books. I took writing and pitching classes through MediaBistro and at the New School. I attended a ton of MediaBistro networking events, and formed a writing group. I secured a freelance gig before jumping ship and, during the transitional period, was working two jobs at once. And when I’d left my 9-to-5 behind, I took on another unpaid, post-college internship in order to gain more experience, contacts, and clips.

When the economy took a nosedive, and regular clients folded or downsized, I maintained the attitude that one could succeed in this sort of economic client as long as they ignored it, and continued to work their booty off. I broke into new markets, found a part-time gig and, in an attempt to diversify even further, started researching career coaching certification programs and conducting informational interviews with both career counselors and coaches. I eventually entered a program and, at this rate, I’ll be able to open up a private practice by this summer.

So, yes. I am the master of my own destiny. But I’ve also had a heckuva lot of help along the way.

When I was a part-time editorial assistant at the Feminist Press back in 2004, a former editorial intern gave me an in at Routledge, where I eventually landed my first (and last :) full-time publishing job. When I decided I wanted to leave book publishing, a former member of my writing group passed along a job ad for freelance copy editing at The New York Sun. It was the gig that made it possible for me to make that leap. And fellow writers both on here and on Twitter have passed along leads that have led to numerous freelance assignments (I so love you guys).

So, yes. I couldn’t have done it without you.

And so, I’ve tried to pass along the good karma, by responding to the random e-mails I occasionally receive with as many tips and bits of advice as possible. I try to be generous with my contacts. And I hope to continue spreading the good karma in my role as a career coach.

Just the other day, a former editor of mine mentioned that she’d been laid off. In the past, she had championed me … stood up for me … encouraged me … all the things the very best of editors do. And so, since I was in a position to hire freelance writers, I vowed to do as much as I could for her. After all, she deserved it.

It made me think of a blog post Michelle Rafter wrote the other week: The Editor You Write for Today May Be the Writer You Edit Tomorrow.

I know that all of you work your booties off. I know that you’ve been single-minded and determined while traveling the path you took to get to where you are now. But who helped you along the way? And how have you paid them back … or paid it forward?

Related: My Support System, Finding Someone To Drag You to the Finish Line, Using Twitter To Achieve World Domination (In Your Field), Build Your Own: Writing Group, PSA: Brazen Careerist Kicks Ass in a Brand New Way

I’ve been lonely lately.

I mean, freelancing has always been lonely. I sit in my condo, hunched over my keyboard, getting more and more used to not going out. I have full-on conversations with my three cats. I tweet, and retweet, and @reply, pretending that virtual conversations are just as good as actual human contact. I feel lonely.

And my husband has been working longer and longer hours, building a business on top of working full-time. I can’t really blame him. He’s the breadwinner. But I feel lonely, and so I pick fights with him, and succumb to depression.

Last week, our couples therapist pointed out that I was relying on my husband to provide me with all of my social interaction. It was like a lightning bolt, this epiphany. Once upon a time, I worked in the city, in an actual office. When I went full-time freelance, I lost that social outlet. I never replaced it. Could coworking be the answer?

The coworking setup is gaining ground, as more and more freelancers seek out the one thing they miss about working in an office (well…there’s that and the regular income). What is coworking? A collaborative space for freelancers. Groups like Jelly are organizing coworking setups around the world, and sites like this one provide additional resources for those who are looking for a coworking setup near them, or even looking to start one of their own.

Anyone here do coworking? How has it affected your workday? And why can’t I find anything in NJ!? ::sigh:: Fingers crossed that I can find an arrangement (other than parking my booty at Panera Bread and pigging out on soup in a bread bowl) that gets me out of the condo on a regular basis.

Related: In Favor of Freelancedom: You Can Do It Anywhere

Career dissatisfaction has been creating a lot of tension in my marriage lately. While my husband has been struggling to build a web business on top of his full-time job — leaving little opportunity for us to spend quality time together — my freelance work has languished, causing my hubby to feel even more pressure to earn.

Meanwhile, I’ve been feeling frustrated by my main gig, and frustrated with myself for, once again, placing all of my eggs in one, money-making basket. I’ve been wanting to resign but, knowing how much pressure Michael is under, I’ve held off.

Forging a career path while married is so different than forging a career path while single. On the one hand, my marriage to Michael has afforded me some great opportunities. His financial and moral support (not to mention his health insurance!) allowed me to leave my full-time job in book publishing over two years ago, so that I could pursue the freelance lifestyle. And his strong work ethic has kept a roof over our heads.

On the other hand, the risks I used to take while single now seem a lot riskier, as they affect not only me, but my husband as well. We have a mortgage at stake. We want to start a family soon. We want to upgrade to a house. How can we ever do these things if I keep spending my time attempting to follow my elusive — and non-lucrative — dreams?

In the past, my risk-taking always managed to move me forward. But have I pushed my luck?

Yesterday, despite this inner turmoil, I finally resigned. I was convinced, by this point, that continuing to search for a regular gig would be a mere repetition of my past mistakes. [See eggs in basket.] At the moment, I’m in the running for an incredibly cool part-time gig. I’m working on a regional magazine piece, a web copywriting project, and a copy editing project. I still blog for AOL’s Lemondrop, and am pitching to other publications I’ve broken into over the past two years. I’m speeding my way through my career certification program, and hope to be able to start my own practice by the late spring/early summer. It feels like the perfect mishmash. But I still worry. Despite the long-term gains I’m so positive I’m working toward, was this decision unforgivably selfish?

Related: He Said/She Said: Our Income [Now and Later], A Gig That’s Worth Your Time, 4 Ways to Create the Illusion of Regular Income

Quite some time ago, I signed up for Brazen Careerist, a network for young professionals that allowed me to share my blog feed and connect with other awesome people like myself. (You may have noticed the little bookmarklet at the bottom righthand corner of my blog.)

Today, Brazen Careerist has launched itself in a whole new way.

A career management tool, Brazen Careerist is now focused on the sharing of ideas, and the furthering of careers collaboratively rather than independently. Looking back on how those I’ve met online have helped me out in terms of advice, contacts, etc., it makes sense. The overwhelming generosity of my peers continues to blow me away just about every day, making it clearer and clearer that these people are my community…not my competitors.

If you end up joining the Brazen community, you’ll find it easy to follow the inner workings your growing network…

…share your own content and ideas…

…and search for other like-minded individuals looking to make a connection.

I definitely suggest signing up, if only to make my own network even more unstoppable. :)

Related: Finding Someone to Drag You to the Finish Line

I did not make life easy for my parents.

During my toddler years, they worried over my introversion. During my junior high/high school years, they worried over my fiery temper. During my college years, they worried throughout the course of an abusive relationship I couldn’t bring myself to leave, and then worried some more when I fell into a deep depression and dropped out of college. (I eventually went back to [a different] school and earned my degree.) Post-college, they passed me onto a possibly masochistic husband with a sigh of relief, but still couldn’t help but worry over all my ups, downs, and interminable plateaus.

Throughout the duration, they’ve (for some wild reason) continued to support me in everything I do.

This past year, I’ve been a bit…down.

I was researching career coaching certification programs almost a year ago when the newspaper I was working for folded, leaving me unable to afford the path I had plotted out for myself. As time went on, I was unable to regain the income I’d lost, despite the progress I did make breaking into new writing markets. A couple of months ago, my regular income dropped even more.

Lately, I’ve felt stuck. Unable to save money, I’ve watched my certification plans slip away, seeming more and more distant every month. It’s something I’ve never lost interest in but, every month, it’s felt more impossible.

This morning, when my mother came for her weekly coffee-and-a-bagel visit, I was feeling particularly despondent. I explained my frustration to her. Later on in the afternoon, my mother called on the phone, stating that she and my dad had discussed things, and wanted to offer me a zero-interest loan for the certification program.

I’ve been feeling a mix of emotions since:

Shame:

I’m a failure, aren’t I?

On the brink of 29, why can’t I fend for myself? And why haven’t they thrown their hands up in disgust by now and walked away?

Fear:

I’m terrified, really.

While I’ve always felt fairly confident that I could make wonderful things happen once I had my certification…what happens if I don’t? What happens if I fail?

It’s one thing to fail with my own money. It’s another thing entirely to fail with theirs.

Gratitude:

I feel like crying. I have been crying. I feel as if my heart could burst.

This is my family, and they would do anything for me. Knowing this blows me away.

…

I’m curious: Do you think less of me now? Have you ever had to put aside your pride and lay yourself at someone else’s feet?

Am I doing the right thing if I accept?

Related: Finding Someone to Drag You to the Finish Line

Back when I was working in book publishing full-time, trying desperately to establish myself within the NYC media world, I felt stuck: tied to the area in which I was living, unable to move even the slightest bit west, due to the extent to which my daily commute already exhausted me.

Now, with my office a mere few feet from my bed, a world of possibilities has opened up to me, and I daydream about walking amongst the streets of Boston as a native…driving to the supermarket in Bucks County, PA…pushing a Bugaboo through the family-heavy streets of western NJ.

Last weekend, my husband and I even took a drive to Warren County, NJ to check out some open houses, and I fell in love with a four-bedroom house with muted purple shutters and a sunny front office: the type of house you could grow with.

What do I, as a freelancer, look for in a future home? (aside from expansive kitchen counter space, walk-in closets, and a decent school district…) A Space Worth Working In:

At the moment, my husband and I share office space in what was originally meant to be the dining room. Is it any wonder that I like to daydream about my future office space? My deal-breakers: natural light, room for file and book storage, and a door with a lock on it. When we look at houses, it’s imperative that we seek out homes that have enough rooms for both work and future children.

Free Wi-Fi:

I’ll admit it. I don’t leave my condo nearly enough. But it’s nice to have the option of packing up the laptop and taking my work on the road. Where I live now, I can easily drive over to Panera Bread, where they offer free, unlimited Wi-Fi during their off-hours. Hopefully, my future neighborhood will offer similar options. Luckily, I can find out such things beforehand by using the 30+ tools in this Mashable post.

Health Insurance:

At the moment, I’m piggybacking on my husband’s health insurance. Someday, however, this may not be an option. In addition to his full-time job, Michael also takes on freelance web development projects on the side. He and his business partner have recently been considering going full-time freelance…someday. Individual health insurance can vary in both cost and availability from state to state. For some tips and helpful resources, check out this open thread over at Freelance Folder.

A Community of Freelancers:

Because I live so close to NYC, there’s no shortage of MeetUp groups, networking events, etc. This could be the thing I miss the most when I eventually leave this area (that and the ability to pop in on my parents when I need a baking pan). To see if a community you’re considering offers opportunities for networking and basic human contact, check out some of these sites previously mentioned on Freelancedom, or try starting your own writing or networking group. You can also look for coworking setups like this one, at this coworking Wiki, or even just search for local Twitter users using apps like TwellowHood.

Sunny Weather:

Due to both my CFS and my chronic depression, my levels of motivation can be strongly affected by sunshine, or the lack thereof. If you’re the same, you may not want to move someplace like Seattle, where it rains most of the year. I love the site Find Your Spot, which suggests U.S. cities you might enjoy based upon the results of a detailed questionnaire. Questions about temperature and other weather conditions are included, and results include details on various cities’ average highs and lows, annual precipitation, and annual snowfall.

Cultural Offerings:

My ideal neighborhood would come complete with belly dancing, hoop dancing, and salsa classes, nearby concerts, and lit events. As a writer, most of my ideas are generated through life experiences. When you’re not experiencing much beyond your own front door, your list of story ideas can become stagnant. Check the event listings in a city’s local paper to get a feel for the area’c culture, or use a site like Citysearch to see what’s going on nearby.

Now we just need to figure out how to perfectly time the selling of our condo and the buying of a house, and how to remotely find Michael a new job. Oy. (Please. For the love of god. Share your success stories.)

Related: Product Placement: My Dream Office

I’m a bit obsessed with the Twittersphere. I’m logged on 24/7 and use the site to promote my work, seek out sources, and network with other freelance writers. Plus, it helps me to maintain my sanity when I’m desperate for some small bit of human contact.

Why not use the site as a virtual business card as well?

If you’re unwilling to leave behind the more tangible business cards currently gracing the inside of your wallet (I still feel that business cards are key to in-person networking), make sure that your online profiles are placed prominently on the cards you hand out.

Career guru Marci Alboher wrote a great post on this topic, in which she rightfully mentions that a professional URL placed on a business card is less likely to become obsolete than other bits and bobs of contact info.

Other clever business types — like this person — model their business cards after Twitter itself!

And then there are those who go so far as to actually wear their business info.

I once did a test drive post on the resume T-shirt, but there are now a plethora of start-ups willing to place your Twitter username — or even your best tweet — onto a T-shirt.

I love these tweet shirts by Made from Dolly:

[$12, Made from Dolly]

TWItoShirt allows you to get your favorite tweets on a shirt. The same goes for Twitshirt.

And now, Twitter has paired up with Threadless to offer Twitter Tees. They’re even having a contest to decide which tweets to print on their tees!

How are you integrating your online profiles into your self-marketing materials?

Related: Using Twitter to Achieve World Domination (In Your Field), Product Placement: The Resume T-Shirt