I just finished several large projects; I deserve a break.

I’m distracted because I’m waiting on responses to my lit agent queries; can you blame me?

I’m suffering from Holiday Brain.

I’m suffering from S.A.D.

I’m suffering from this god-awful, nasty, lingering cold.

Poor excuses all, especially considering how much work I could’ve been doing based upon the goals I’d set out for myself.

I’ve been procrastinating on one project in particular: pulling together the notes for the ASJA panel I’m appearing on in the spring. (For more information, you can now find the lowdown on my Sex Writing panel here, on the tab for Saturday, April 28.)

Of course, when it comes to issues of procrastination, burnout, and rebooting, there’s a lot of advice out there: Step away from your work. Schedule in a walk, workout, or meal. Do something that nourishes your soul. Meditate. Etc.

But don’t these tips assume we’re all struggling for one, universal reason? Aren’t they all just temporary salves that don’t actually solve the underlying problem? Why else would we need to repeat them again and again (and again)?

Shouldn’t we be tackling the root of the problem?

Earlier this week, I started reading Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way (I know; I’m just 20 thousand years behind every other writer in the world), and began doing morning pages. On my very first morning, I found myself writing about the ASJA task I mentioned above, and about my true reasons for procrastinating. Somewhat miraculously, I was able to tease out the actual fears that were lurking behind my first reason for procrastinating: It’s far off, so I don’t yet feel any great sense of urgency.

One of those fears was in regard to my general horror in regard to public speaking. Will I be completely awkward? Will I be boring? Will I have a panic attack and lose consciousness? 

But the greater fear was revealed to be about my own feelings of inferiority. Am I too small-time for the well-established writers who will be attending ASJA? Will attendees be disappointed? I don’t make all my money as a writer! I’ve only written for two national magazines! I’m the only one on this panel without a published book! Am I good enough for this?

Once I had targeted these fears, I started flipping them around, transforming them into affirmations:

I have accomplished so much as a writer.

This is a sex writing panel. I have been writing about sex for 10 years, in a variety of media. I have a lot of valuable information to share.

I have been successful in the ways I’ve been hoping for. I am making enough money for me.

I have co-authored an ebook with a well-known sex counselor, and receive royalties. This accomplishment should bring me just as much validitation as the other panelists’ books.

I have something unique to offer.

After concluding my morning pages, I made my way to my computer and opened up the blank document that was to contain all my notes for the ASJA panel. I spent the next five hours drawing up a preliminary script for my presentation, putting together an outline for all the information I wanted to include, and contacting past editors for publication-specific advice I could share with panel attendees.

I got into the zone and, when I was done, I felt good. Relieved. Productive. Accomplished.

Scheduling in breaks and taking care of yourself are good tips when you’re suffering from burnout.

But what if you’re suffering from imposter syndrome? Or boredom with a project? Or lack of faith? What then?

Have you been procrastinating on a specific project lately? Try to pinpoint the true cause of your ambivalence. Then treat that cause… not the symptom.

Related: Didn’t Get It Done? That’s Your Own Damn Fault, Getting It Done, Want Freelance Success? Watch Your Health, How To Work from Home Without Losing Your Mind

Of course, I get my motivation and accountability elsewhere. My writing partner, Lyz Lenz, sends me threatening emails every week.

But what about the rest of you? Where can you go to ensure that your writing goals are met, thanks to a mix of motivation, camaraderie, and abject fear?

1. For those of you who have trouble updating your blog on a regular basis (shut up; I was doing very, very important things… okay, I was tweeting and surfing Etsy), there’s NaBloPoMo, or National Blog Posting Month (also in November). You can check out the BlogHer site for writing prompts and badges and then dive on in, secure in the knowledge that, at least for one month, you were on top of things.

2. If your November is just too damn busy (with Christmas shopping), there’s always Michelle Rafter’s WordCount Blogathon, in May. Check out Michelle’s Blogathon page for all the ways in which participating can help you build your biz.

3. And of course, those are just two of the more well-known ones. You can search for blog carnivals within your specific niche at this handy-dandy online directory.

4. If you’ve got your blogging covered, however, and would rather concentrate on content you can create for actual money, I highly recommend Freelance Success‘s twice-a-year Query Challenge. For the brief period of time in which I was a member of this professional writer’s group, I found the Challenge to be its most beneficial resource. Participants were split into teams and pitted against each other, earning points through queries and LOIs, and through the assignments that resulted from them. Team members had to report their points once a week, and team rankings were sent out in the weekly e-newsletter. There’s nothing like some healthy competition (and the fear of letting your teammates down) to make you sweat.

5. Then there are those sites and applications that target your writing productivity, and that can be used year-round. 750 Words is one such resource. It’s a site on which users aim to write at least 750 words a day and, for their troubles, receive points for their progress, and stats about what they’ve written (such as their most productive times of day, their quickest entries, their most common topics, and their most frequently used words).

6. Finally, if extreme terror is the most effective form of motivation for you, there’s always Write or Die. I’m afraid to use it, but rumor has it that, if you don’t reach your writing goals for the day, this application send you a threatening email, announces your failure to the entire Twitterverse, erases your hard drive, and makes your coffee pot malfunction.

Just kidding.

Write or Die tracks your writing and, if you pause for too long, you either a) receive a gentle reminder pop-up, telling you to stop being such a goddamn slacker (gentle mode), b) are subjected to an “unpleasant sound” that only ceases if you continue writing (normal mode), or c) are forced to watch your writing unwrite itself (kamikaze mode). Note: I am afraid to use this app.

7. Of course, you could always use mini goals, rewards, self-imposed deadlines, and good, old-fashioned self-discipline, but where’s the fun in that?

Any of you guys have an app or non-technical trick that keeps you at your keyboard?

Related: Didn’t Get It Done? That’s Your Own Damn Fault, Resource Roundup: 4 Time Management Applications, Are Professional Organizations Worth the Cost?, Motivational Trick: Fear (of Letting Others Down), Finding Someone to Drag You to the Finish Line

- my cats
- an opened bag of Candy Cane Kisses
- music that is particularly peppy
- the knowledge that there is an unwatched episode of The Sing-Off on my DVR
- the dust I just noticed on the far edge of my desk
- a sink full of dishes
- Etsy
- my sudden obsession with yoga bolsters, brightly colored jeans, or illusion necklaces
- Twitter
- etc.

This past weekend — at a time when I was supposed to be working on the first chapter of my book so that I could get it to my writing partner by Monday — we lost power (along with hundreds of thousands of others on the east coast, thanks to a freak October blizzard). Okay, fine, I thought to myself. I’ll give myself a pass. My laptop will die in under two hours anyway.

Then, on Sunday night, the power came back on.

By Monday morning, however, Internet had still not been restored. “Ooh!” I said to my husband. “I’ll take this opportunity to write that chapter without any distractions!”

I then proceeded to spend the next few hours watching Project Runway, playing Spider Solitaire, and checking email on my phone.

Here’s the thing: Even without the typical distractions, we will create them. Because sitting down and starting something is hard.

So don’t complain about all the distractions at home. Don’t say you couldn’t get your book done or your business started up because of this or that or oh my god my cat needs snuggles!

Sit your ass down and let it flow.

It won’t flow all at once. It won’t come easy. But if you work hard at clearing out the cobwebs and pushing past the crap, it will come eventually.

Need help? Here are some tips and resources I’ve blogged about in the past:

• Tricks for Self-Motivation
• 4 Time Management Applications
• Overcoming Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
• Writer’s Block, Ennui, and Other Barriers to Productivity
• How To Stay Motivated When Life Is Less Than Motivating

Also, here are some fantastic apps for eliminating the number one distraction in your life: the Internet.

What’s worked for you when it comes to sitting your butt in the chair and forging on, despite distractions?

But I’m not here to gloat. (Or am I? J/K. Or not.)

I wanted to share something with you.

At the beginning of the retreat, we had a welcome ceremony, during which yoga instructor Erica Mather passed around a talking stick and asked each of us to answer a few questions. Among them: What are you hoping to gain from this retreat?

When it was my turn to speak, the talking stick shook in my hands. My eyes teared up. What was I looking for? I had been feeling a lot of anger and frustration lately, both from the continued lack of interest in our condo, and in my continued failure to get pregnant. I told the group before me that I was looking for calm.

At the end of the retreat — five yoga classes, five cooking classes, two hot tub sessions, a greenhouse field trip, a journaling session, and a s’mored up, drunken bonfire later — we passed around the talking stick again. What do you feel gratitude for? Erica asked us. What have you learned?

By that point, it was clear I’d received something much better than simple calm. I’m grateful that I was able to experience something like this, I told the group. I learned that I have a lot to be grateful for… so I should just chill out.

A year ago, I wouldn’t have been able to take this trip. At the time, I was working a permalance gig, at which I was overworked and underpaid. I had also completed a career coaching certification program, but was failing to bring in clients, despite several contests on my blog, an e-course experiment, and a successful Word Nerd Networking event. I struggled to pay the bills, and was consumed by the thought that I was probably failing.

Now? I’m only two months away from eradicating the last of my credit card debt. The other month, I was able to splurge on a yoga studio membership. And this month? I was able to go on a mothereffing yoga/cooking retreat.

It’s just… wild.

It’s not Thanksgiving yet, but I don’t think it’s too early to give thanks for the circumstances that have brought me to this place:

• I’m grateful my parents believed in me enough to lend me the money for my career coaching certification program. At long last, their investment appears to be paying off.
• I’m grateful to my husband for spending many, many hours making my website pretty, setting up an e-course platform, giving me e-commerce capabilities, and more.
• I’m grateful to the writing opportunities that have come my way as a result of the work I’ve done, and the people I’ve met.
• I’m grateful to have learned my worth, learned how to negotiate… and learned how to walk away.
• I’m grateful I was finally able to muster up the courage to cut that permalance safety net loose and, as a result, begin earning the money I deserve.
• I’m grateful to the people I’ve met not only through work, but also through Twitter, Brazen Careerist, the YEC, and this blog. I love how we support each other.
• I’m grateful for being able to find gratitude in the midst of the anger that has overwhelmed me lately.

I haven’t reached my full potential yet. Obviously. But I have a lot to be grateful for, and I need to remember that. I need to remember how lucky I am.

Have you been feeling angry lately? Frustrated. Anxious or scared or jealous or desperate? Your feelings aren’t invalid by any means, but ask yourself: What do you feel gratitude for?

Related: Looking for Fulfillment? Don’t Hold Out for Perfect, Inch By Inch: How Small Steps Lead to Big Success

You can't wear ALL the hats. You'll just look silly.

Last month, I wrote a piece on spec for a new online startup. I wouldn’t typically do such a thing, but I was excited about the forthcoming website, and the project was backed by several companies I admired.

When the piece was killed, I was disappointed, but the editor I was in contact with assured me it had nothing to do with me. She told me that her and her superiors liked my writing style, and wanted to give me another assignment. Despite misgivings, I went ahead with it, working my ass off to get the piece done before deadline.

Then, the second piece was killed. We like your writing, the editor wrote to me, but the two posts you’ve written for us fail to demonstrate an understanding of what people are interested in or intrigued by.

Lemme tell you. That email really ruined my day.

Yes, I was angry at myself for doing work on spec. Twice. But I was more upset because I felt insulted by the implication that I didn’t know what people wanted to read… and I was the target audience!

I started to doubt my abilities as a writer. (Surprise, surprise.) I knew that anonymous commenters and online trolls were best ignored, but editors? Where could I go from here?

Then, a well-paying job floated in from a new client. Another regular client approached me with several more projects. I talked another editor into doubling their rates for me. I landed a new coaching client.

I realized:

I can’t please everyone. Nor should I want to. Because when you try to write for everyone, you end up writing for no one.

I’m not implying you should ignore contrary comments from your editors because you’re awesome and perfect and poop word glitter. No. Please do take that constructive criticism from the editors whose judgment you trust, and use it to become even awesomer.

What I am saying is that you can’t be the right fit for every editor. And that’s okay.

Take what you excel at and for the love of god run with it.

Have you ever received criticism from an editor that gave you pause? How did you bounce back?

Related: They Hate Me! They Really Hate Me!, The Vulnerability of Writers, Has the Editing Process Crushed Your Soul?, Walking in Someone Else’s Shoes

The other week, I wrote a post for YourTango’s LoveMom blog, about my struggles with chronic depression and PMDD, and how it was affecting my decision to start a family. It was something that had been on my mind lately. I was worried about my hormones and postpartum depression, and about the strain I might place on my marriage. So when I wrote up my post, I really put it all out there, describing my ugliest moments and my worst fears. I was nervous about pressing the “publish” button, but I felt it was important to be honest. I thought that there would be people out there who could relate.

Then the hate comments began rolling in.

The worst of them are here at The Frisky (who posted an excerpt of my piece) but, just to give you a recap, most commenters felt that I was selfish for wanting to have children, and they also assured me that my husband would eventually leave me… no question.

I’ve received negative comments in the past. Some of them have been constructive and thought-provoking. Some of them have been slightly crazed. Some of them have even made me laugh (a commenter over at Nerve once called me a “metrosexual-loving illiterate”). The logical, sane part of me has long since come to understand that I can’t take comments personally… I have to grow a thicker skin… responding to illogic with logic is futile. But this was the most brutal and cruel attack I had ever experienced and — I’m not gonna lie — I wanted to go home early, curl up in bed, and cry. (Yeah, yeah… I’m a wuss.)

But then I remembered a Copyblogger post I had recently read: 20 Warning Signs That Your Content Sucks. Number seven? “You’ve never received hate mail.”

Jonathan Morrow writes, “If your content is good, you’ll always have a small but vocal group of people who think you’re wrong, rude, or inconsiderate. They are the righteous majority for moral authority, and nothing you can say will appease them. So don’t try. Their mockery and screams of outrage are merely signs that you’re headed in the right direction.”

So — considering the volume of super-mean comments I’ve been getting — I’m going to take this as a sign that I’m finally a bona fide success. Other signs that I’m on the right path? Positive feedback both online and at work. Comments that thank me for being so brave and honest, from people who are experiencing the same (or similar) thing. People approaching me for work, rather than the other way around.

How about you? What was it that made you feel you were finally on the road to success?

Related: The Vulnerability of Writers, Baring It All: Personal Essays Are Tough

Oh hey guys. What’s up? What? What’s that? Why yes, I did run a brilliant guest post by Susan Johnston in mid-April and then drop off the face of the planet. You’re absolutely right. God, I’m like the poster child for worst blogging practices ever. (By the way, did any of you buy her e-book yet?)

Those of you who follow me on Twitter already know that my grandfather died last Friday. It hit me pretty hard and, instead of working through it, I spent the past week watching TV, eating Cheez-Its, and taking Xanax. (I also sang my grandfather’s funeral mass and learned that yes, it is possible to belt out hymnals while you’re leaking tears and snot.)

Yesterday was my first day back at work. And yeah, it was a bit overwhelming. I ended the day feeling cranky, stressed out, and emotionally drained. Thinking about all the work I still had on my plate made me want to curl up in bed and pass out for the next year or so.

But then I forced myself to remember my humble freelancer beginnings, a time when I had so few projects on my plate that I spent entire days watching America’s Next Top Model marathons. And I forced myself to consider the fact that my grandfather would be super-pissed if I devolved into reclusive couch potato-dom on account of his death.

And so, here’s a look at things to come now that I’ve ruled out hibernation:

1. Over at YourTango, I’ve been tasked with launching and managing a new mommyblog. So for the past few weeks, I’ve been trying to secure bloggers, settle upon a blog name, get a logo designed, get contracts done up, draw up a production schedule, etc. I’m way excited about this project, and it’s provided me with some great insight into the relationship between editors and freelancers, all of which I plan to share with you here. The official launch date is Mother’s Day, and I’ll be shamelessly self-promoting all over the damn place.

2. Last week, I drew up a preliminary marketing plan for my coaching practice. It was sort of fun (am I a total nerd?), though also much harder and more involved than I expected. So I’ll be blogging about marketing plans and market research in the coming weeks. Excited much?

3. Speaking of my coaching practice, I’ve already announced my intention to publish an e-book by June. I’d better get cracking.

4. Speaking of e-books, I’ve spent the past few months working with someone way more impressive than me to create content for another e-book, on which I will be listed as a co-author. I’m hoping to wrap up this project within the next few weeks, and I can’t wait until I can finally reveal the finished product to you. I don’t know how many of you will be interested, as the content is sex-related, but the project was a pretty big deal to me, so of course I want to show it to everyone on the face of the planet.

5. Speaking of sex, I was telling my family about the mommyblog the other day, and my brother was all, “Is this the first non-sex-related thing you’ve done?” and I retorted, “Where do you think babies come from?” and my dad said, “Not from vibrators!” … This has nothing to do with anything. I just thought it was hilarious.

6. I’m also starting a new copy editing gig this coming Monday. For the next year, I’ll be copy editing listings for Patch.com, AOL’s local news site. This should make it possible for me to buy a house and procreate and stuff without going bankrupt.

Can you see why I’m feeling a little bit overwhelmed?

How many times have you felt the urge to hibernate rather than face your workload?

Sometimes, when I’m at the office, I’ll finish up a project and be completely unable to start something new, just because there’s a meeting in 30 minutes. And even if it’s totally possible for me to whip up a blog post within those 30 minutes and set it to go live, I won’t.

Because my mind is occupied with waiting.

And that’s pretty much how I’ve been feeling these past two weeks.

Two weeks ago, my grandfather was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer, and given but a few weeks to live. Since then, the relatives have filed in to town in order to say their goodbyes, and I’ve veered back and forth between stoic, sloppy drunk, and weepy. Because — while he’s almost 99 — the diagnosis still came as a shock.

And so, my mind has been occupied with waiting.

In the meantime, my ongoing copywriting project remains ongoing. I’ve tried to hold things together at my part-time YourTango job. I’ve made an effort to play the cheerleader for the FLX Query Challenge team I’m leading. I’ve fielded e-mails from possible clients seeking me out.

But I’ve also neglected Freelancedom (I’m so sorry you guys!) and, though next week is my last career coaching teleclass, I’ve failed to move forward in securing practicum clients. I mean, all I have to do is put together my intake packet and write up a post for the contest I’ve been planning…but…you know…my mind has been occupied with waiting.

Earlier today, I chatted with my mentor coach and told her how stuck I’d been feeling lately. She asked me: What would your grandfather say if he knew what you were struggling with right now?

And while I’m not sure what he would say, it did dawn on me that completing my certification and starting my practice would make him very, very proud.

And so I have to stop waiting. Because we don’t have very long. And I really want to make him proud.

But! If you notice that I’m still struggling, despite having many excellent reasons to move forward, for the love of god, please fetch the jumper cables.

Related: When Every Day Is Sunday, How to Remain Productive When the Shit Hits the Fan

Lordy, it’s shaping up to be quite the month. Things at YourTango continue to get even busier (who knew that was possible?), and my ongoing copywriting project soldiers on. I’m also leading a team in Freelance Success‘s biannual Query Challenge, and I spent yesterday doing some market research at Barnes & Noble, and sending out query letters and LOIs. I’m loving my team. They’re so…motivated. It’s gonna be a trip to keep up with them!

But let’s hold off on February for the moment. How did I do last month?

1. Finish Phase 3 of this copywriting project with a minimum of angst.

The copywriting project goes on, and slower than I expected. Part of it is the tedium, though it’s a topic I typically enjoy (I’m feeling all sexed out, you guys). Part of it is the winter doldrums. And a huge part of it is the fact that I’m getting so into my part-time job — to the point of giddiness, really — that I’ve been allowing my responsibilities there to seep into my freelance hours. Still, the show must go on, and my client is thus far thrilled beyond belief with what I’ve turned in. In fact, he’s already suggested that we work together on future projects. Yay?

2. Make major headway with my new, professional web platform, and order me up some new business cards.

My husband has promised to squeeze this into his schedule of projects he actually gets money for. For the moment, he’s designed my header and set me up on WordPress. He also put together my business card design and, last week, I handed out my first one at a soiree thrown by a book publisher that does business with YourTango.

3. Revive YourTango’s Love Buzz Twitter account.

I’ve been spending a lot of time on this one. First, I tried out a bunch of different web-based services that allowed me to manage multiple Twitter accounts, finally settling upon HootSuite. Then, I spent an awful long time (stretched across several weeks) trying to mass unfollow the dead weight in the LB Twitter feed. I wanted to be able to engage with the people I was following, but there was so much spam in the feed, mostly because the account was initially set up to automatically follow everyone back (ugh). Now I’m concentrating on interesting tweets, RTs, and good conversation.

4. Revive Inside YourTango.

I’ve only done up one new post, but I’ve collected a lot of new content for the blog, which I will start publishing slowly.

5. Start my career coaching practicum.

Aaaahahahaha. I am tired.

6. Achieve balance.

I’m getting better. I’ve stopped checking certain social media sites during the work day, and have also severealy limited the YourTango work I bring home. I’m also saying yes to life a whole lot more, and have lately been more social than I’ve been in…years!

So what’s in store for February?

1. Put together an intake packet for my career coaching practice. I figure that this is one of the things that held me back from starting my practicum last month. I was afraid to start looking for clients, because I wasn’t fully ready to take them on.
2. Run a contest on this blog that will both drum up interest in my coaching practice, and land me some practicum clients (who are willing to fill out feedback forms, and then allow me to excerpt their feedback as testimonials on my new site).
3. Make major headway on that copywriting project (I’m afraid to wish for actual completion).
4. Send out at least five queries a week. I don’t want to let down my QC team!

Fingers crossed.

[Image via]

Early yesterday, Marie Claire tweeted a link to a group of articles they have online, on how to beat the Sunday blues. Funny, that. Lately, it feels as if every day is Sunday.

Do you ever have weeks like that?

For the past two months, I’ve been getting used to my new schedule. I go in to an office in NYC three days a week, and work from home the other four days (what? you thought weekends were off limits? ha!).

It’s been an adjustment, but I’ve remained productive. But, lately — especially in the past week — I’ve felt a bit…off. My days in the office feel great. I’ve slowly been given more and more responsibility, blogging, editing, and more. And, most recently, I’ve really gotten into my latest project, in which I’ve taken over the management of their Love Buzz Twitter account. But on the days when I’m at home…well…they all feel like Sunday. I feel lazy. Groggy. And I have no interest in the humongo gigundo copywriting project I’m supposed to be working on. Though it’s a topic I’m into, it just feels like pulling teeth.

Is the faster pace of commuting/working in an office getting to me? Am I slowing down at home to make up for the extra time I no longer have? Is there a way to regain that motivation I originally felt for my other projects?

Have those of you who have juggled freelancing with a part-time job experienced this?

Help! I keep hoping this will pass, but I need to get this project done! And there are so many other things I want and need to be doing, but don’t have the drive, lately, to pursue them!

Related: Getting It Done, Motivational Trick: Fear (of Letting Others Down), How To Remain Productive When the Shit Hits the Fan