I’m also waiting for a ghostwriting client to come back with feedback on the proposed TOC I sent along to her last week. Once the TOC is approved, I can invoice for my first chunk of work and move forward on the project… a project that happens to have a very tight timeline.

And then there’s that other ghostwriting client who’s not yet officially a client. I’m waiting for her to make some final decisions on the last, little details of our contract together, so that we can get it signed.

I’m also waiting to hear more news from my literary agent. There are at least six editors who are just starting to dig into my book proposal, and the suspense is killing me. Will we need to send out a second wave of proposals? Revise? Will someone actually want the damn thing as is?

More things I’m waiting on: That IUI Medication Class my husband and I have to attend before we can move forward with fertility treatments. I’m also waiting for my web developer husband to start developing my new web project. I’m waiting for this. I’m waiting for that. All this waiting is driving me crazy!

So am I supposed to sit here and watch Dr. Who on Netflix Instant until I hear news about… something?

Hells no! (Though I totally did that yesterday, because all the waiting was making me so distracted.)

Even when everything is up in the air — and you’re waiting on clients for paychecks… feedback… anything  – there are other things you could be doing to keep your business moving:

• get started on that assignment you’ve been putting off; better to have it in early than to panic about it later on
• stop procrastinating over those chapter revisions
• do up some blog posts in advance; it’s always good to have a backlog for the busier times
• do up some queries and LOIs, making the attempt to build relationships with new editors and publications
• touch base with with past clients, present clients, and others in your network; remind them of the services you provide
• do all the little things that need to be done in order to market your business. This little bit of purgatory you’re in? It’s a prime opportunity to drum up new business, and handle all the small tasks you never seem to have time for when you’re busy creating.

Are you watching Dr. Who right now? Stop it. Stop it this instant. Stop watching the clock. Stop watching the TV. Start watching out for your business.

Related: How to Keep Up the Momentum During the Holidays

Back in 2007, it was Michelle Goodman’s The Anti 9-to-5 Guide that got me up and running as a full-time freelancer. Later on, I read My So-Called Freelance Life (also by Goodman) and wished I’d had it from the very beginning.

Last week, I speed-read Kelly James-Enger’s Writer for Hire: 101 Secrets to Freelance Success and realized it was the book I should have had when the economy — and my business — first hit the skids. Luckily, no matter how long you’ve been freelancing, there’s always something to learn.

I’ve been reading Kelly’s blog — Dollars and Deadlines — for awhile now, and also recommend her book on ghostwriting and coauthoring — Goodbye Byline, Hello Big Bucks – to just about every writer I come into contact with. So I was thrilled when I heard she had written a new book. In fact, I devoured the entire thing in two days, dog-earing pages on market research, story ideas, reprints, and contract templates.

What struck me the most, however, was that Kelly had created a level of success that allowed her to bring in a full-time income while working part-time hours.

Basically, my idea of perfection.

After the jump, Kelly is generous enough to share how you can do the same.

1. You mention in the intro to Writer for Hire that you quit a career you hated, about 15 years ago, to go full-time freelance. How did you prepare for this transition? Or was it more spur-of-the-moment?

I prepared financially but that was about it. Once I sold my first two articles in 1996 (one to Cosmopolitan and one to Brides), I started saving money and paying down expenses so I could eventually quit law. By the end of the year, I had six months’ worth of expenses saved (I was living with my now-husband, which meant my expenses were pretty low) and was ready to make the leap.

What I didn’t do (and what I should have done) was work on developing my business during that time, reading about freelancing, etc. I didn’t do much of that until I went full-time on January 1, 1997.

2. I love that you’ve created a career that allows you to make a full-time income with part-time hours. Many beginning freelancers work harder instead of smarter, and end up chained to their laptops on nights and weekends. How long did it take you to get to this point, and what was the turning point for you?

I do think you’re going to spend a lot more time working at the beginning of your career, because you have to market yourself aggressively before you start getting work/assignments. I definitely was putting in 40-50 hours a week at first — probably more if you count all the time I was spending reading magazines, looking for potential markets, reading about freelancing, etc.

Once I started specializing in health, fitness, and nutrition, and was writing for some of the same markets (like Woman’s Day, Family Circle, Fitness, and Fit) more than once, I could spend less time marketing/researching. That was at about 18 months into my career.

3. What are your top tips for working smarter, rather than harder?

Number one, focus on building relationships. I did a lot of “one-shot” stories early on, meaning I wrote about one particular subject for one particular client/editor, one time. Now I only pitch markets I can write for more than once.

Second, try to write about every subject more than once. I specialize, so I’m not always recreating the wheel. So when I wrote a story about the popularity of flavored teas for a trade magazine (a story that was assigned to me), I also wound up pitching and writing articles about caffeine addiction and its dangers and enhancing sports performance with caffeine for two other markets.

Third, prioritize. Save your most productive time for your most demanding work, which for me is writing (as opposed to interviewing or researching or editing).

4. As someone who has diversified pretty damn successfully, which type of work has proven to be your biggest moneymaker? In contrast, which type of work do you enjoy the most? What has been your most fun/interesting/unusual/gratifying project?

My biggest moneymaker right now is the ghostwriting/coauthoring I do. I get decent money upfront to do a book or book proposal and, with some of my projects, I get “back end” money as well (typically a percentage of royalties) if the book earns out.

I actually really enjoy writing service articles and books (fortunate since that’s how I built my career!), but I also enjoy writing fiction, too. My most gratifying projects have been the first two “chick lit” novels I wrote in the early 2000s, and my new novel (“hen lit,” as opposed to “chick lit”), The Honesty Index. If I could make a full-time living just writing fiction — with a few how-to articles here and there for variety — I’d love to do that.

5. The subhed for your book is 101 Secrets to Freelance Success. I’ve been thinking a lot about success lately, and about how the definition can vary from person to person. What is your personal definition of success?

The answer to that question had changed for me over the years. At first, I think I defined success as being able to replace the income I would have made as an attorney with freelance income. Then it was hitting the six-figure mark as a freelancer. Today, I’d say it’s being able to make a decent living in part-time hours so I have time to spend with my kids (who are almost 7 and 2 and a half), and to be able to remain self-employed in an ever-changing environment.

I think eventually I’d like to get to the point where I have enough passive income coming in (through royalties, ebook sales, whatever) that I can write only what I want to write, not what clients pay me to write. That day is still a ways off, though!

Related: Create the Life You Want… Not the One You Think You Should Want, Should You Add Ghostwriting to Your Freelance Toolbox?, Why You Should Change Your Definition of Success

So when it came time for impromptu, two-minute presentations, the master of ceremonies (the Toast Master?) asked me to take the first shot and talk about the presentation I was preparing for.

Fantastic.

I got up there and babbled incoherently for just under two minutes about ASJA, sex writing, the book I was working on, and promotional plans. It wasn’t terrible. But it was definitely unfocused, and I was obviously nervous.

(A few presentations later, a guy with fantastic biceps opened up his presentation by saying that my presentation was his favorite. But I’m pretty sure it’s because no one expects to come to the public library, attend a Toastmasters Club meeting, and hear somebody talk about sex.)

ANYway. At the end of the meeting, I received some more constructive feedback from the person tasked with analyzing each mini-speech, and one thing he said stuck out to me. “People tend to use filler words (stuff like uh and um) in the same way they clear their throat,” he said. “You feel unprepared, so you fill in those words while you gather your thoughts.”

It struck me then that my tendency toward extreme procrastination is much the same thing.

When I receive a new assignment or get the go-ahead on a new project, I don’t immediately start drawing up outlines and tracking down resources (as I probably should). Instead, I put the deadline into my Google Calendar and set up an email alert, so that I’ll be sure to start soon enough to meet my deadline.

Then, when that email shows up in my inbox, I hem and haw even further.

I do some spring cleaning of my Chrome bookmarks.

I decide the coffee table needs dusting.

The prospect of cleaning out the kitchen sink is suddenly attractive.

I draw up to-do lists, which make my already-existing to-do lists even more impossible to manage.

And I do all of this not because I’m a terrible freelancer who can’t be trusted to complete her work. (I always meet my deadlines.) I do this because… well…  just don’t know how to start! I still need to gather my thoughts!

Some people recommend writing what Anne Lamott refers to as a “shitty first draft.” This is excruciating for me.

Other people (including me) advocate breaking a larger project down into smaller, more manageable tasks, so as to make it less overwhelming. I do this a lot of the time.

One of the things that helps me most is drawing up an outline. Once I have an outline down on paper, the rest of the assignment seems easy as pie.

What about you? Do you procrastinate? Do you suck at the self-starting?

How do you trick yourself into getting down to business?

Related: How to Break Through Your Work Block, Getting It Done

I worried: Would attendees think I wasn’t accomplished enough to give them advice? Would they roll their eyes as I hid behind my notes and stuttered over my words? Would they riot over the fact that the organization had allowed such a poor public speaker to have access to the mic? (I have an over-active imagination… )

As per usual, I was overreacting, and I made it through the panel alive. And after that, I was able to enjoy the other panels and presentations throughout the day. I found it to be a great opportunity to see how others structured their panels. I was able to see what worked, and what didn’t. And at the end of the day, I was convinced: I should do this again.

Putting together a panel — whether at a major conference or as a smaller, standalone event — can be a great marketing tool. It can help you establish yourself as an expert. It can bring you into contact with other luminaries in your field. It can raise your visibility. It can strengthen your writing resume. It can even act as a source of income!

But putting together a successful panel? That’s something else.

Here’s what I learned from just one day at the ASJA conference:

Make It a Conversation. For our Writing About Sex panel, we each gave a 10-minute presentation, and then segued into the Q+A. Which was fine, because we each had something slightly different to share (I spoke about the variety of sex writing markets out there; Rachel Kramer Bussel spoke about submitting to erotica markets; Rae Francoeur spoke about writing literary erotica; and Joan Price spoke about promoting your sex writing). But sometimes lectures (even mini-lectures) are not as engaging as conversations.

In contrast, when I later attended Breaking Through to Online Business Markets and, later still, What’s Next Once Your Book Comes Out, the moderator asked the other panelists questions, which they each answered in turn. It allowed each panelist to share their slightly-different perspective on the topic at hand, and also broke things up in such a way that the audience remained engaged.

Noted.

Make It Focused. Another thing my panel — and others throughout the day — had in common is that they were aimed at two different audiences. For example, our sex writing panel was aimed at both nonfiction sex writers and erotica writers. Other panels were aimed at both freelance article writers and book authors. In some cases, attendees may be interested in both areas. But oftentimes, a writer who is in the mag-querying mindset is not in the book-writing mindset, and vice versa.

Which means that half your audience may find their eyes glazing over for half your presentation.

And there’s nothing scarier than staring out into a sea of writers and seeing bored faces.

Think carefully about the audience you want to reach, and what you want their takeaway to be.

But Not Too Focused. I attended Breaking Through to Online Business Markets because — I don’t know — sometimes it’s nice to write about something other than sex. The three panelists there were editors for three different business/financial publications and, as such, they shared a lot of super-fantastic advice on what their publications were looking for, and how best to pitch them.

I loved getting that insider perspective but, in some ways, it was too specific. What about the other business/financial publications out there? As a beginning business writer, how could I break into that niche in general?

I left the panel feeling that maybe I wasn’t ready to break into that market, though I certainly had the lowdown on how best to pitch those particular publications once I’d become a more seasoned business writer.

Provide Value. Of all the service content I read online, my favorite posts are always the ones that provide clear, step-by-step instructions for getting things done, concrete ideas, and valuable resources. Unfortunately, most of the posts I come across are a lot more general than that, providing inspiration and empowerment, but no clear tips for reaching my goals. These posts provide me with a boost of excited optimism… but then leave me hanging, asking myself: What’s next?

How can you provide value? It’s an important question to ask yourself when drawing up blog posts and newsletters and, in the same way, it’s an important question to ask yourself when putting together a panel.

My fellow panelists and I focused on specifics when giving our presentations. I, for example, mentioned specific publications, the columns they were looking to fill, and their pay rates. I even included editor contact info in our online handout. Similarly, at the What’s Next Once Your Book Comes Out panel, the panelists shared creative ideas for book promotion and, in their online handout, included a slew of resources, including Jenny Blake’s uber-comprehensive, 15-tab, book marketing spreadsheet. Now that’s what I call value!

Brainstorm how you can help your audience take action now.

For the love of god, go off-book. When I first started talking during our panel, I made eye contact with the audience, filling them in on my background as if we were having a casual, one-on-one chat. But as I went on, diving into the nitty-gritty of publications and pay rates, I found myself relying more and more on my notes. I was making less eye contact with the audience, and I could even hear my voice transitioning into Boring Lecture Mode.

If you’d gotten the chance to take a peek at my notes, you would’ve seen that I’d typed out every goddamn word I wanted to say. I was so afraid my mind would go blank, or that I’d start having a panic attack, that I didn’t want to leave anything to chance.

In contrast, when I looked over at Rachel’s notes, I saw a single, scribbled-on piece of paper containing headings and bullet points. And that’s about it.

As a result, she was able to maintain that casual air, and keep her audience engaged.

Color me jealous.

Speak Loud, Clear, and Slow. My middle school history teacher always used to tell us this. It’s a good mantra to remember. Yet I always seem to devolve into full-blown panic, mouth drying up, sentences coming faster and faster so that I inevitably stumble over my words. Consider me your cautionary tale. Use me as an example of what not to do.

(I’m actually considering joining the Toastmasters Club as a way to get more confident with public speaking, and receive feedback on my presentations. I went to a meeting the week before the conference, and it actually eased some of my fears.)

Get the Audience Involved. Q+As are obviously a great way to do this, and are standard at many public presentations. But I thought it was an especially inspired move on Rachel’s part when she asked our audience members to share the negative repercussions they’d experienced as a result of their sex writing. (Kayt Sukel’s description of the creepy emails she receives from creepy dudes? Priceless.)

How else can you get them involved? Worksheets? Pitch session? Ice breaker? Get creative!

Anyone else out there been to an especially good panel? What stood out for you? What worked and what didn’t?

Related: How to Throw an Event That Rocks the House, Are Professional Organizations Worth the Cost?, How to Market Yourself: Getting Out More

“I make about $30k a year,” I told him.

“You can live on that!?” he asked.

I mentioned that I was lucky enough to have a husband who made way more money than me, so that I could create a life in which I only worked part-time hours. I told him I was building a career in which I could stay home with my future (as-yet-unconceived) children and not take a huge, unprepared-for blow to my paycheck. And if I needed more money, I said, I could always hustle a helluva lot more instead of sitting back and letting the work come to me (which is my current, lazy-ass m.o.).

He asked me what I’d do if a media company offered me a staff position at $75k.

“I’d turn it down,” I said. “No question.”

“What about $100k?” he asked.

“Nope,” I said. “I never want to give this up.”

Two days later, my bread-winning husband lost his job.

I had just arrived home from yoga when he called me. I was feeling loose, relaxed, happy. I didn’t realize who it was at first. Then: “I have bad news. I was just laid off.”

I told him everything would be just fine. After all, he had a ton of great contacts in the industry (he’s a web developer), plus this could give him the chance to focus on his own business (which, at the moment, he just does on the side). Then I hung up and started crying and, in a panic, spent the next three hours looking at job ads.

Pretty much everything I tell my clients not to do.

At that point, reason took  hold and I reached out to my network. (Also, Michael eventually came home and told me to chill the eff out.) Within a week’s time, I had a new coaching client, a new ghostwriting project, two new, prospective ghostwriting clients, and yet another ghostwriting project on the horizon. And Michael had five trillion job interviews and his first job offer. (He’s lovable and stuff.)

I’ve been reading Danielle LaPorte’s The Fire Starter Sessions these past two weeks, and I felt a click when I read her chapter on money. In it, she writes:

Do you want to make a million bucks a year? Why? For what? Do you really need it to do what you want to do and be who you want to be this lifetime, or do you need more? How much will be enough if you’ve reached your lifestyle goals? And who really needs ‘more than enough’?

This passage reminded me of an exercise I’d done when reading The Wealthy Freelancer. Early on in the book, Pete Savage had asked readers to write up a description of their ideal day, so that they could then plan a means of getting closer to it.

What was weird was that I wasn’t as far off from my ideal day as one might think.

It also made me think of Laura Vanderkam’s All the Money in the World, in which she asserts that we already have all the money we need… but can easily get more if times get tight.

You guys! They’re totally right!

What I’m saying is… my response to that reporter still stands. Keep your $75k. Keep your $100k. I have all the money I need. And if I need more, I’ll just hustle harder. It’ll all work out in the end.

I don’t want to give up this life of mine. Because of the life I have, these past two weeks have allowed me to:

• sweat over the fact that my agent has started sending my book proposal around to publishers
• meet up with one of my tweeps at a networking event hosted by a fellow YEC member
• see the Bloggess in person, and have her sign my copy of her new book (better than all the great works of literature combined)
• have a Skype date with my writing partner
• bid on my dream house
• attend a meeting of the Toastmasters Club so I could improve my public speaking skills in advance of my panel at this weekend’s ASJA conference
• get a haircut in the middle of the day
• take 10 yoga classes
• work on masterminding a yoga/writing workshop with a fellow yogi
• hire a designer for a new web project
• work on several ghostwriting projects, and draw up a project proposal for another one
• apply for a volunteer position with Girls Write Now
• write a personal essay on infertility for YourTango
• have a phone chat with a new coaching client
• etc.

You guys. My life looked nothing like this when I was working full-time for someone else. Back then, I did the same type of work all the time, instead of mixing things up. I spent about three hours a day commuting. Instead of attending literary events and happy hours, I rushed home so I could eat dinner and get to sleep at a normal hour. I never worked out (and, as a result, quickly gained about 30 pounds). I was sick all the time, and also taking several medications for depression and anxiety. It most definitely was not my ideal life.

This life? The one I’m leading now? It’s a lot closer.

There are people who will look at my salary and think I’m not successful because I’m not pulling in six figures, or who will think I’m lazy because I’m no longer working crazy hours at the expense of my health.

But damn if I don’t feel successful.

So what’s your version of an ideal day? Are you making enough to achieve it?

Related: Why You Should Change Your Definition of Success

• sending out review copies and press kits to a select group of media outlets
• writing copy for forthcoming catalogs
• if the timing was right, sending copies of the book to BEA, or to relevant professional conferences
• and maybe — just maybe – sending out direct mail pieces focused on the book

It’s not much. But I don’t see these limitations as reason to abandon the traditional publishing model entirely.

Sure, there are some things I prefer to simply self-publish (such as my starter kit) but, when it comes to my memoir, I want someone else to shoulder the burden of line editing, typesetting, design, printing, and sales. I want my book to have a chance of getting reviewed in Publishers Weekly, or of appearing on library and/or bookstore shelves. I want the support of a major publisher behind me, and of an editor who believes in my work, so that I can reach even more readers. I want to be part of a publishing house whose backlist I admire.

Goddammit. I want to flip through the pages of a book with my name on the cover, inhale deeply, and feel that I’m a part of the industry that made me love reading (and new-book-smell) in the first place.

And besides, I don’t think that this new practice of authors shouldering the promotional burden is necessarily a bad thing.

This morning, I sent the final draft of my proposal along to my agent. She had already expressed the opinion that it was good to go, but I wanted to take one more pass at my promotional plan. I had just finished reading Guerrilla Marketing for Writers, and my head was swirling with even more ideas for promoting my book in new and creative ways. In fact, as I was adding these new ideas to my proposal, I was… well, I was downright gleeful. I was having fun.

This could be due to some severe mental deficiency. I don’t know. I used to go to therapy a lot.

But it seems to me that learning to be one’s own best publicist has a myriad of benefits:

1. Drawing up a promotional plan pushes authors toward new heights of creativity.

2. Sending out press releases, contacting media peeps, and appearing in public, on television, or on the radio forces (introvert) authors to face their fear of the spotlight.

3. Masterminding and executing that promotional plan makes authors better business-people. (And if you’re going to write books for a living, you’d best treat the whole affair like a business… not a hobby.)

4. In learning to talk themselves up, authors learn more about their own value.

5. Finding professional organizations, nonprofits, party planners, niche bookstores, and others to collaborate with on events and other forms of publicity plugs authors more firmly into the industry they were so eager to write about in the first place.

But most important of all, taking the wheel of your own promotional plan — whether you self-publish or go the traditional publishing route — connects you to your readers in a way that may not have been possible if you’d written your book, sent it off to your editor, and left it at that*. (*Not that that is easy.)

Connecting to your readers in this more personal, hands-on way helps you make them readers for life.

As I wrapped up the fourth draft of my promotional plan this morning — beefing it up with even more opportunities for content marketing, digital campaigning, and event planning — I felt excited for what might come next.

For all I know, what comes next might entail being summarily rejected by every publisher on the face of the planet, and being denounced as the crappiest, most self-indulgent, and most misguidedly optimistic writer ever.

But maybe — just maybe – I’ll get a book deal.

In which case I’ll get the chance to actually execute my promotional plan.

Cue the glitter hula hoops and the PULP disco party!

p.s. I folded down almost every single page of Guerrilla Marketing for Writers. Pick it up for you’re looking for ideas on how to marketing your own book.

Related: How An Author Can Be Her Own Best Publicist, How to Keep Up the Momentum During the Holidays,  How to Market the Crap Out of Yourself

Because of this, I’ve spent a lot of time poring through business books and marketing how-tos, and even took one of Dave Navarro‘s workshops in order to revamp the sales page for my career coaching business.

My latest read? Sam Horn’s POP! Create the Perfect Pitch, Title, and Tagline for Anything. A marketing book written to help readers connect with customers, it’s not just about marketing — it’s about branding as a whole.

I was skeptical about this book when, within the first 40 pages, Horn held up both the Daddle and the Smitten as examples of fantastic branding. After all, both products are pretty ridiculous, and people regularly make fun of them. (Check out the Amazon reviews for the Daddle. Absolute comedy gold.) Could I really take advice from someone whose paragons of branding were so corny?

But as I read on, I realized that Horn was actually pretty brilliant.

Are you struggling with your own marketing copy? Each chapter in POP! focuses on a different content marketing technique. And while you probably won’t use every single marketing tactic in your own marketing content, trying out even one or two could set your product or service apart from the competition.

For example, if I wanted to more effectively promote my ghostwriting services to sexual health professionals, I could use the Valley Girl Technique to find something in pop culture that my service is “like” (get it?), and play around until I came up with something like: Steph Auteri: The Sex Whisperer, or Steph Auteri, the Shrink Whisperer*. (Shut up. It’s a work in progress.)

Or if I wanted to publicize a Word Nerd Networking event, I could simultaneously use the Alphabetizing Technique and the Juxtaposing Points Technique and write something like:

“Introverts — Come out for an evening of speed networking! Because we’ve eliminated the pressure of approaching new people, you can spend your time effectively networking instead of fretworking (and — later — regretworking).”

Okay, yes. It’s lame as hell. It’s not quite there yet. But you get what I’m saying…

Luckily, as I made my way through Horn’s book, I realized I had been using some of her techniques without even realizing it. Take the name Word Nerd Networking, for example. It contains both a rhyme and alliteration… a POP! double whammy.

Also, Sex Play for Prudes, the working title for my book. It contains alliteration (I heart alliteration), and also juxtaposes two concepts you’d assume wouldn’t typically go together: sex play and prudes.

Horn also suggests using first-person stories to maintain people’s interest. This is something that comes naturally to me, as I’m your typical, narcissistic personal essay writer.

These are only a smattering of the techniques Horn showcases in her book. I suggest you pick up a copy if you want to know the rest. Because while some techniques may lead to something so corny you can’t stand yourself (Fretworking? I know. I hate me, too.), others may carry you to branding victory.

*I’m totally using this one.

Related: How to Increase Your Chances of Landing That Book Deal, Even Coaches Need Coaches: 4 Experts I Love to Bits

With my maiden name! Damn, that's retro.

Since I announced my authorial intent at the age of 5, my mom has joked that my first book will be dedicated to her.

“To my mother, who has always supported me,” she says dramatically, her hand making a little flourish in the air. I roll my eyes, but she’s right. She has always supported me, even when she wasn’t completely on board with the work I was doing.

My first, bylined magazine piece, for example. It was for Playgirl magazine, and was a travel piece on sex parties around the world. It was accompanied by a tiny caricature of my headshot, plus a full-color drawing of a wild orgy. My mother made copies and passed them out to friends, family, and co-workers. Who does that!? A mom, I guess.

Still, as I write my first book, I try to imagine what that dedication page will look like (without yet even having a book contract, mind you), and can only come up with something like this: Dedicated to my mother, who still holds out hope that this sex writing thing is just a phase.

The working title of my book? Sex Play for Prudes.

The subject? It’s a prescriptive memoir about being a sex writer with “sexual dysfunction” (a term I don’t place much stock in, as issues with libido, arousal, and painful sex are more common than many people realize).

The opening scene? My very first blowjob.

Nope. No one in my family will ever read this book.

As someone who’s always dreamed of being a published author, the thought that my family members will feel uncomfortable reading my first (and only?) book is heartbreaking enough.

The thought that they’re embarrassed by it, though, is even worse. It makes me feel weird when people ask me what my book is about. I don’t know how to respond. In being aware of my mother’s embarrassment, I start to feel ashamed of myself. Even though I feel that what I’m writing is important. Even though I’ve received comments and emails from women thanking me for making them feel less alone. Even though the writing I do has been a form of self-therapy.

The other night, I joined my mother and aunt in the kitchen, where they were washing and drying pots and platters from the dinner we’d just had. “Your mother tells me you’re writing a book,” said my aunt, who was visiting from out of town. “What’s it about?”

My mother, who was soaping up another platter at the sink, looked over her shoulder with a smirk. This was not helpful. I stuttered and stumbled as I searched for how best to explain things.

“It’s a prescriptive memoir for women with sexual dysfunction,” I said. I should have stopped there, but my aunt’s face was blank, so I went on. “It’s about being a sex writer with sexual dysfunction,” I added. The skin between her brows creased in confusion.

“Yeah, I don’t understand it either,” said my mom, who’d had me explain it to her about five thousand times before.

I tried to think of what else I could say. “Well, you know I’ve been a sex writer for 10 years, right?” My aunt looked even more confused. Or perhaps that was horror. “I write about sexual health,” I said, though I didn’t know that a review of the Sexerciseball counted as a matter of sexual health.

“Oh, sexual health,” she said, as if that suddenly legitimized everything. I got annoyed, though it was my own damn fault for throwing in the term.

“Well, sexual health and sex in general,” I said, backpedaling. I then stammered my way through an explanation that encompassed the sexually abusive relationship that had caused my sexual issues, the chapters that focused on my experiences as a sex writer, and the lessons I planned to impart… all without traumatizing her. I finally gave up, flustered. My mom was still at the sink, shaking her head. In the pause that followed, she joked that at least my maiden name wouldn’t be on the book.

“My mother is ashamed of the writing I do,” I informed my aunt, knowing full well that she didn’t approve either.

“No,” she assured me. “You’re mother’s proud of you.”

She may as well have patted me on the head.

Sometimes, with some people, I find myself talking around the subject of what I write about, as if predicting their inevitable disapproval.

Am I projecting? Or are comments like the ones above shaking my faith in myself?

How about you? Are your family members on board with your writing? How do you cope when they’re not?

Related: Spill It: How Do You Handle Rejection as a Writer?, They Hate Me! They Really Hate Me!

She published her first book when she was home on maternity leave from her law practice in 1998. A publisher called and asked if she was interested in writing a book about how to file for divorce in New York. She never looked back. Now, she’s spending time promoting her latest book — The Muffin Tin Cookbook, due out in April — and she’s finding the publicity process wildly different from what it was just 14 years ago. Lucky for us, she’s willing to share what it’s like to be your own best publicist.

1. You’ve written a slew of books, in a variety of subject areas. Considering how labor-intensive book development can be, what has drawn you to these longer-form projects, and how the hell do you maintain such an impressive output?

I love books. I love reading them and I love writing them. I’ve done my share of magazine work and it’s not my favorite process. A book is my vision (with input from my editor). I’m just suited to writing long-form and I enjoy being able to have the time and space to explore things. My mom is also an author, so I guess it is in my blood.

I have some books I wrote which were renamed in later editions, so that makes my numbers look higher. I also have some books where publishers took my old books and repackaged parts of them as new titles to be more targeted or specific. I co-author a lot of books, which means I’m not writing the entire thing on my own. Writing books is my full-time job, so I do have time to devote a lot of energy and thought to what I do. Most of all though, I just love what I do.

2. Over the years, we’ve seen book publishers’ marketing and publicity budgets shrink, forcing authors to shoulder more of the promotional responsibility. What was your experience like in this area with the first few books you published, and how has it shifted over the years?

This has changed a lot in the 14 years I’ve been doing this. In the beginning, my publicists set things up for me and I did the interviews. Period. I started to do some online moving and shaking very early on, though, and was successful at getting my books reviewed or mentioned on early blogs. Now, of course, the burden is almost entirely on the author. I rely on publicists to mail out the review copies I get requests for and that’s about it. It’s hard because as an author you have to wear so many hats and they might not all come naturally. Just because you’re good at writing doesn’t mean you’re good at publicity, so I think this places a heavy burden on many authors. And it’s not like you can just hire your own publicist — you’re looking at a commitment of about $10,000 to do that. So most authors are left trying to get this done themselves, in and around their other writing work.

3. Considering the necessity of self-promotion, what do you see as the main benefits of going through a traditional publisher?

I do self-publish several titles myself as Kindles and Nooks and I love the freedom it gives me to write what I want and get it out there immediately. I still love print books, though, and for long projects that require a lot of my time and a lot of investment in research or recipe development, I like to get an advance to defray those costs. I’m not interested in storing 2,000 books in my garage to sell or distribute myself and I’m just not interested in formatting a book or doing anything of the print functions myself. For now, I’m playing both sides of the field and will as long as I see a benefit.

4. What have been some of the most effective ways you’ve found of self-promoting your books? Have you tried anything off-beat that perhaps a publishing house wouldn’t have come up with on its own?

I’ve had a lot of success with bloggers for many years, and publishers are now hot on this but weren’t for a long time. I make my own flyers for my books with color photos on them. Publishers send out these dry text emails or press releases. I put together a PDF with photos, color text and formatting that makes it fun to look at. I’ve also had a lot of success getting coverage in regional parenting magazines, which I’ve worked with for years and years as a writer and maintain a database of. They’re really receptive because they need content and if you can provide a free article that also promotes your book, they are happy to run it. I also have to tell you that my mom took my last cookbook, The Parchment Paper Cookbook, to the hair salon for the stylist. He has it on a side table and has told tons of people about it. Sometimes word of mouth is more valuable than you would think.

5. Finally, I can imagine that by the time your book comes out, you’re sick to death of it. Can you speak to this a bit, and also explain how you maintain your enthusiasm for the book so you can promote it in the most effective way possible?

People don’t realize you’ve lived with a book for a year or even two by the time it hits the shelves. You start with the proposal — trying to get a publisher interested. Then you write the book. Then you go through edits and copyediting and proofing. I also do the indexes for my own books, so that is another journey through the book. Then you start publicity before the book is out, trying to line up reviews, guest posts, etc. By the time there is actually a book for sale, it’s old news to the author! But it’s new to everyone else, so you have to kind of shake yourself up and try to look at it through the readers’ eyes and get excited about it all over again. And it is exciting to actually hold it in your hands after the long process. And it’s exciting when people tell you they like it, so that energizes you anew.

Related: 12 Ways to Market an Ebook, Wearing Different Hats

(photo via)

These days, success means being pickier about projects, preparing home-cooked meals with my husband, and having time for both my personal book project and my daily yoga classes. I have the potential to make more money… but the other stuff comes first.

Which is why I love Laura Vanderkam‘s work. In both 168 Hours and her most recent book, All the Money in the World, she shows readers that they don’t necessarily need more time or money to achieve a successful and fulfilling life. They just need to know how to spend what they already have.

In this Q+A, Laura shows us how we should redefine success.

1. I went on a sort of Laura Vanderkam reading marathon last week. What I noticed immediately about both your books is that they eschew the typical self-help trope of promising more (more money, more time) to the reader. Rather, you stress in both books that, generally, we have enough. We just need to learn how to spend both our time and our money more wisely, rather than cutting back on things we enjoy as a means of grabbing 15 minutes here, $100 there. How did you come to this somewhat contrary conclusion?

I highly recommend Laura Vanderkam reading marathons. I’ve got some novels stuffed in a drawer that you can read as well…

To answer your question, with time that insight came from looking at successful people. I’m talking about people who have big careers and big personal lives. These people have the exact same amount of time as the rest of us, so what are they doing differently?

In some cases, these people do have more money, but plenty of people with money somehow manage to spend it on things that make their lives more complicated, rather than less. If you start with a blank slate, rather than various assumptions about how we should be spending our time and money, you’ll soon see that 168 hours a week and an average American income can cover quite a bit. I mean, who cares about spending 10 minutes less on errands if you’re in the wrong job? Then you’re wasting 40 hours a week. Fix that first. Then you can be as inefficient on your errands as you want.

2. I loved 168 Hours. Who doesn’t wish for more time? But when I read the press release for All the Money in the World, I was intrigued, because it hinted at the possibility that you don’t necessarily need to be making more money in order to be considered successful. A prospect I find attractive, as someone who values work/life balance over ever-increasing income. Can you share with us your own, personal definition of success?

My goal is to be able to write about any topic I find interesting for publications I admire and in my own books (and on my blog), and know that my words will find a big audience. Money is part of success — it’s how the market often recognizes talent — but you have to consider it within categories. You can be among the world’s best poets and still earn less than a mediocre investment banker.

3. When did you reach that aha moment where you realized that success didn’t have to mean more money? Was there a specific instance where you had to choose between saying yes to a project or yes to yourself?

In 168 Hours, I write of giving up a fairly well-paying gig with Reader’s Digest. I wrote the Only in America section for years. It was a fabulous way to learn to write tight, and to learn about an incredible diversity of subjects, from a young man who walked every street in Manhattan to the person who holds the world record for the most Guinness World Records. I’m so grateful that they gave me the chance to do that.

But what I eventually realized is that I wanted to be focusing on books and longer, bylined articles, and the mental energy required to write six to eight well-reported short pieces every month was distracting me from that goal. It was a tough gig to walk away from financially, but since my husband gets a steady paycheck, we decided I could take some risks.

4. Even though you suggest that we have enough money/time if we spend it correctly, you do recommend simply making more money rather than cutting back on expenses as a way to improve quality of life. Can you share a specific instance in which you realized you needed an income boost (whether for everyday life or a specific purchase) and hustled like hell to get that extra cash? What tactics did you use to drum up that extra money?

My first year out of college, I had an internship at USA Today. My take-home pay was about $1,200 a month. That was enough to live on, but it wasn’t enough to save for bigger goals, like travel or moving to New York City (something I’d always wanted to do). So I freelanced for a variety of different publications. When you set your expenses based on $1,200 a month, even bringing in an extra $500 is a huge win. And by the end of the year I was bringing in a lot more than that — sometimes tripling my salary. If you’re making $1,200 a month, you can’t save $2,000 a month. If you’re making $4,000 a month, you can. I was able to spend three weeks traveling in Asia after the internship ended, and then have a few months’ cushion for moving to New York without a job lined up.

5. I’m a huge advocate of career diversification, something that freelancers tend to master early on. What does a typical mix of projects look like for you over the course of any given week?

Ideally I’m working on something very long term, like a book. I’ve got a few intermediate assignments: a feature for City Journal or another magazine, a USA Today column. Then there’s the immediate stuff: blogging three times a week for CBS MoneyWatch and keeping my own personal blog (www.lauravanderkam.com). Speeches have become a bigger component of my income over the past few years as well.

6. Finally, what was the most fun/fascinating/challenging project you ever did for the money?

I once ghostwrote a book in less than six weeks. I enjoyed the challenge. If I someday need to scale up my cash flow for big goals, I’d take on two to three crash jobs like that per year.

Related: Do You Love Your Work More Than You Love… Love?, Want Freelance Success? Watch Your Health, Didn’t Get It Done? That’s Your Own Damn Fault, Better Than Money