There’s a lot of hate out there for self-help books, from people saying they provide false promises and lead readers to fruitlessly pursue perfection. And while I don’t look at these books as the answer to my everything, instead opting to apply what resonates with me and leave the rest, there’s definitely truth to the fact that people have a hard time being happy unless they feel they’ve achieved it all.

The other week, J. Maureen Henderson of Generation Meh wrote something on Salon that resonated with me. She described happiness as a jigsaw puzzle we could only lay claim to “once we’d carefully laid all of the pieces — careers, relationships, sense of self — into their rightful place.”

It was something that rang true.

My mood has been on a downswing lately, and I’ve spent an awful lot of time focusing on the worst parts of the past year and a half.

Our condo, for example. We put it on the market last summer, and have seen a pointed lack of interest since then. It’s frustrating to have half of our stuff in storage (making our condo look extra-spacious for the people who never come to see it). It’s frustrating to send my cats to live in my parents’ garage during open house season (to keep the condo clean, and to keep our association from finding out we have pets). I hate feeling so helpless, and I hate feeling unable to move forward.

Then there is the fact that I stopped taking all of my antidepressant and anti-anxiety medication two years ago, because I wanted to be chemical-free when I eventually got pregnant. The lack of success in that department hasn’t done much for my state of mind. Today, I’m calling a fertility center to schedule tests for both me and Michael so we can find out if there’s a problem, or if we’re just god-awful at babymaking sex.

And of course, Michael and I almost separated.

I know there are those who are (much) worse off than us. But knowing doesn’t always help. Because I want all the pieces. I want all the pieces of that puzzle in place.

The thing is, it doesn’t help to fixate on the things you can’t control.

The other week, I read Kripalu Yoga, and it listed five yamas (restraints) and five niyamas (observances) the Indian sages felt we should strive for. One niyama was santosha, or contentment. Contentment was defined as “joyfully accepting whatever life provides and not wanting more than is at hand.” I began to think of what I had at hand. What I could control, and what I was succeeding at.

I thought of my career.

According to an industry report recently released by the International Freelancers Academy, “the economy’s impact on freelancers has not been quite as severe as reported. The majority of freelancers (52%) either have not been impacted by the economy or have faced only a very minor impact.” Not only that, but 59 percent of freelancers feel more secure as a freelancer than they did working for someone else, and 39 percent are now earning more than they did as an employee in the same field.

For me, this is all true. Freelancing has given me more control than I’ve recently felt in any other aspect of my life. And while my definition of success may differ from yours, when I think of my career now, I feel successful.

Where can you create contentment in your life? Where can you find control?

[Photo via]

It can be tough to make money when you have a conscience.

Over the weekend, I asked tweeters whether they thought their feelings toward a manuscript’s subject matter subconsciously affected the way in which they edited it. I was slogging my way through a particularly arduous manuscript, and the contents weren’t helping matters. “You’re getting a paycheck,” my husband told me when I complained.

True enough. But have you ever found yourself turning down a project because of personal biases? Or turning down advertising dollars or freebies because you couldn’t bring yourself to endorse a profuct or service?

After the jump, various sources of freelance-y moral crossroads:

Advertisers:

Back in September, Bitch magazine sent out a cry for help, telling readers that they were low on cash and that, without donations, they could very well fold. Jezebel then did up an interesting post on Bitch’s continual financial problems, citing, among other things, their love/hate relationship with advertisers:

“…the mag only sells ads to “smaller, independent advertisers whose products and services are aligned with [their] mission of formulating replies to the sexist and narrow-minded media,” so its income is, um, limited…its ad policy…is perhaps an indication of why such stringent idealism isn’t exactly realistic.”

Anyone else out there being over-cautious with their advertising usage and placement? (Ooh! Me! Me!) Has anyone been able to find a happy medium between using advertising that doesn’t alienate readers and actually making money?

Questionable Content:

As mentioned above the fold, I’ve been making my painstaking way through a very rough manuscript, practically rewriting content that — some of the time — I’ve been somewhat taken aback by. If I had to do it over again, would I have turned down the project despite my desperate need for increased income?

As a sex writer, I suppose I have a higher tolerance for certain types of content, but I can still be picky about the work I take on. (This is where the “starving” in “starving artist” comes from.) Would you turn down a project due to different moral values if you were struggling to make ends meet?

Freebies:

As a products blogger who sometimes does product-related reviews (and a sex writer who sometimes reviews toys, books, etc.), I receive a good amount of freebies. So I read Jennifer’s post on Bloggers as Moochers with much interest. In it, she expresses the opinion that accepting freebies for review on a blog is unethical, and can  harm your credibility, and alienate readers. I commented on the post, expressing a less black-and-white opinion. Part of my comment:

“I receive unsolicited press releases for both [blogs that I write for]. I accept samples only for those products that I feel would make for a good test drive post, or for which a review would prove helpful to readers. Sometimes, I also request samples, if the products fall under what I’ve described in the preceding sentence. Some samples must be returned. Some I end up keeping around. Some I raffle off on the blog after review. Whatever happens, though, I’m as likely to give a bad review as I am a good review.”

The Blog Herald also has an interesting post on this topic.

What do you think?

And in what other areas of freelancing have you been forced question yourself on an ethical level?

As Fridays are a cool-down sort of day, I thought I’d designate a weekly coffee break, during which we could discuss a specified topic. This week, I’d like to bring up the challenge of handling business during the holidays.

In the magazine biz, special issues always correspond with seasonal occurrences, resulting in back-to-school issues, or holiday gift guide issues. As a blogger, I have more flexibility in terms of content development (magazines tend to work three to six months in advance), and so take advantage of holidays and events in my various blogs.

For example, this past week, I actually blogged about seasonal content, given the upcoming 4th of July holiday weekend.

On another blog, me and my fellow bloggers blogged about “green” products and happy hour possibilities all day long, in honor of St. Patrick’s day. Later that same month, I did a week’s worth of cupcake-related posts in honor of the Martha Stewart-designated Cupcake Week.

How have you guys tied in business with seasonal pleasure?