Why I Don’t Want to Have It All

Class started off slow. Instead of sitting cross-legged on our mats, hands resting palms-up on our knees, we rolled up blankets and placed them — lengthwise — beneath our backs. We stretched out, our heads propped up on blocks, our arms flung out to our sides, our eyes closed. We concentrated on the rise and fall of our stomachs. Our chests.

After coming under the gentle spell of our own breath, we rocked forward onto all fours, and then leaned back into child’s pose. Then we slid forward onto our stomachs, where we were told to stretch our arms out above us and rest our foreheads on the floor.

That’s when I felt the tears burning behind my eyelids. They were so sudden, they took me by surprise. I pressed my forehead and nose into my mat, hard. I rocked my head from side to side, allowing my hair to fall around my face. [Read more…]

Do You Love Your Work More Than You Love… Love?

A typical evening in the Auteri household.

Shortly after getting married, I started seeing my husband a lot less.

No, he wasn’t having an affair.

I was.

With my work.

First, I started working nights at the New York Sun. I headed over there after finishing my day at Routledge, an academic book publisher where I was working full-time. Then, after securing additional hours at the New York Sun and getting onto my husband’s health insurance, I left Routledge, only to start an editorial internship at Nerve. I was exhausted, but I was also excited: I was finally pursuing the full-time freelance lifestyle I had wanted for so long, and I was hoping that the time I put in at Nerve would open even more doors for me.

My husband? Well… we barely saw each other. He was already gone by the time I woke up in the morning, and already asleep when I finally arrived home from NYC.

I was unhappy with the state of our relationship, but what could I do? It was my own damn fault. And within six months, I was able to match the salary I had previously been making in book publishing, and had also broken into a number of dream publications, including Nerve and Time Out New York.

[Read more…]