Around the time I first joined Toastmasters, the club president gave a speech about leadership.

In Toastmasters, members typically work their way through a Competent Communicator manual, and often neglect the other manual they receive upon signing up: the Competent Leadership manual. Our president spoke of the importance of working on leadership, and urged us all to start making time for our leadership manuals.

There was a Q+A afterward. Being the pain-in-the-ass brat I am, I asked:

“Why should I work on leadership if, as a full-time, work-at-home freelancer, I aspire to avoid all leadership roles?”

Little did I know how much things would change in just a year. [Read more…]

2013 was my lowest-income year since I first entered the publishing industry back in late 2004.

I became disillusioned by the freelance writing game and stopped pitching. Stopped blogging. Stopped coaching. Stopped working on my manuscript. I flailed about for something new to do, but discarded each new option as the wrong one. I threw myself into my yoga teaching certification program and tried not to think about the fact that I was spending a shit-ton of money while not bringing new money in. As the end of the year approached, I felt like a total failure.

But then I read Lisa Romeo’s post on I Did It lists, and started writing up my own (as much as I also dreaded the endeavor). [Read more…]

Two months ago, I found out I was pregnant, and I immediately burst into tears.

They were happy tears, because my husband and I had been trying for the past three and a half years. Not only that, but we’d been about to try a third round of IUI. Talk about dodging a bullet. That whole process is a pain in the ass.

After the at-home test was confirmed by blood work and an ultrasound, I transitioned smoothly into Crazy Neurotic Person Who Worries About Everything:

Will I break the baby with coffee?

Will I break the baby with yoga?

Will I break the baby because I keep tossing and turning in bed?

Holy crap I forgot I’m not supposed to eat soft cheeses. Did I break the baby?

(My OB/GYN assures me that, unless I smoke crack, the baby should be fine. This is why I love her.)

Then — after going through a phase in which I wondered if the baby was actually just a food baby from too many spinach balls — I decided to preemptively worry about how my identity as a sex writer might affect my child. Here are just the first seven things that popped into my head: [Read more…]

I’ve had plans to be a writer for the past 28 years. And for the past 28 years, I’ve done a pretty good job of achieving success in that endeavor.

It started with published poetry and both lit mag and school newspaper involvement when I was a young twerp. Later on, I was an editor and writer for my college paper, and also landed a part-time editorial assistant / copy editing gig at a local weekly. I went on to intern at alternative weeklies, online mags, and small presses before landing a full-time job for an academic book publisher. And though I moved steadily up the ladder while there, I eventually left to go full-time freelance, during which time I was an editor at an online mag, a sex columnist (twice), a blog manager (twice), a ghostwriter, etc.  I even landed myself a literary agent on the strength of my book proposal.

I also spent a couple years coaching beginning freelance writers but, during that time, found myself becoming disillusioned by the whole damn game, and burnt out on the things I was writing. Rates were dropping everywhere. Quality writing was being devalued. And I’d been asked to write so many lowest-common-denominator listicles that I began to lose my taste for the hustle. I mean, what was the point? Why write crap content for crap rates? Why continue hustling for work that didn’t even make me proud? [Read more…]

A perfect illustration of my day-to-day as a freelancer.

When the Nate Thayer / Atlantic kerfuffle occurred, I cycled quickly through a series of reactions.

First, I felt a knee-jerk “Damn the man! Save the empire!” swell of joyful rebellion.

Then, after reading senior Atlantic editor Alexis Madrigal’s response — an explanation of the limits of digital publishing — I felt recognition.

That’s when I wrote this on one of the freelance writer forums I frequented:

“I must admit, I feel for those on both sides of this equation. I feel as if Nate Thayer obviously deserved to be horrified that he was being asked to re-purpose a piece for free… especially from a publication as well-established as the Atlantic. I also feel as if he shouldn’t have published those emails. Having worked at an online publication with a shit budget, I know that it was out of the editor’s hands. And then there’s Alexis Madrigal’s piece, which I found interesting. Because I think it gets to the root of the issue: The digital publishing model is hopelessly broken and devalues the work of writers, while at the the same time making it difficult for publications to stay afloat.

I’m not going to go into the issues of plummeting ad dollars and whether or not paywalls are a good idea and blah blah blah because it’s all been said before (though, personally, I’d pay for content if it was of higher quality than the drivel so often found on content mills… it’s why I subscribe to publications like Oxford American and Creative Nonfiction and Poets & Writers).

But I will say that the experience Alexis described in his piece rings true. At one point, I launched and managed a blog for an online publication, and it was a lesson in frustration and despair. The budget I was given was insulting. I wanted to bring in quality content, but the money I had to offer wasn’t worthy of the writing I wanted. In some cases, I pushed back against the publisher, trying to negotiate more money or better contract terms for my writers. But it was an uphill battle. And I’m seeing the same thing happening at most other publications.

I mean… isn’t that why so many of us have diversified? It’s become impossible for us to be paid what we’re worth for the work we’re most proud of?”

After writing that, I read through a slew of posts from freelance writers who either championed writing for free or shamed publications for expecting us to work for exposure. I felt the same sort of conflicted confusion I’ve already written about here.

And then, finally, I came upon this post over at Gawker, about what happens when people write for free. It pointed out what wasn’t being mentioned in the endless back-and-forth between online writers and digital editors: the fact that the writing game is “rigged for people who already have money.” [Read more…]