In case you forgot, I was at a retreat this past weekend (neener neener). It was glorious, I didn’t have phone or Internet access, and I even found maple cotton candy while I was up there.

But I’m not here to gloat. (Or am I? J/K. Or not.)

I wanted to share something with you.

At the beginning of the retreat, we had a welcome ceremony, during which yoga instructor Erica Mather passed around a talking stick and asked each of us to answer a few questions. Among them: What are you hoping to gain from this retreat?

When it was my turn to speak, the talking stick shook in my hands. My eyes teared up. What was I looking for? I had been feeling a lot of anger and frustration lately, both from the continued lack of interest in our condo, and in my continued failure to get pregnant. I told the group before me that I was looking for calm.

At the end of the retreat — five yoga classes, five cooking classes, two hot tub sessions, a greenhouse field trip, a journaling session, and a s’mored up, drunken bonfire later — we passed around the talking stick again. What do you feel gratitude for? Erica asked us. What have you learned?

By that point, it was clear I’d received something much better than simple calm. I’m grateful that I was able to experience something like this, I told the group. I learned that I have a lot to be grateful for… so I should just chill out.

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